Ghosts of the Heart
by Hanspam
Summary: Dave meets an old friend, who drags back painful memories
1. Default Chapter

Bermuda Ghost  
  
Summary: What's been happening to Dave since we saw him last.  
  
Rating: Umm PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Let me get one thing straight from the start. If I owned the characters that appear on ER, I would not be here writing fanfiction. I would be in my lovely Tuscan villa, drinking hibiscus juice with a certain Mr Palladino as my husband. But that's neither here nor there... only the character of Julia Carter is mine.  
  
Author's Notes: Ummmm not a lot to say really. This is my first ER fic, so if there are any flamers out there please be gentle. And if I've gotten anything wrong, please don't yell, I haven't been watching the show since the beginning. Also contains teeny tiny spoiler about season 8, but you might not notice it. It's not that consequential *Hannah waits for thousands of people to say 'It's the most important thing ever to have happened in ER'*  
  
  
Dave Malucci lay on the couch in the staff room, idly throwing a juggling ball up and down in the air.  
  
He could afford to do that, since Kerry Weaver had seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth since her confrontation with Romano. Dave was wary of Kerry and her sharp tongue, but was pretty confident that he could handle all of the other doctors on duty that day if they happened to question him.  
  
Or at least, he thought he could.  
  
"Malucci! RTA in 3," came a yell from the doorway. His personal nemesis, Mark Greene, was there with an extremely irritated look on his face. "Do you ever do anything to help this hospital?"  
  
"I provide comic relief," Dave offered, heaving himself off the sofa and following Greene outside.  
  
"Provide physical relief to the kid in cubicle 3, and get on with your job for a change," Greene replied, and strode on while Dave entered the cubicle.  
  
Sitting on the bed to face him was a tiny girl, who couldn't have been more than 5 years old. Her eyes were the first thing that struck Dave, dark brown, yet as illuminating as a bushbaby's.  
  
"Hey there, little tiger," Dave said, bending down so he would be at eye level with the girl. "Can you tell me where it hurts?"  
  
The girl pointed to her foot, which was reddened and swollen.  
  
Abby Lockhart came in, gave a smile to the girl, and said to Dave quietly, "Can I see you outside for a minute?"  
  
"I always knew it would come to this," Dave joked, but off Abby's look he wiped the smile off his face, said to the girl, "I'll be back before you know it," and let Abby drag him back into the hallway he had just left.  
  
"Her name's Leah, she's seven years old, suspected fracture of the anklebone."  
  
"Parents?"  
  
"Mom's hurt pretty bad, but she'll make it. No mention of the father."  
  
"Okay..."Dave contemplated, then asked, "Anything else?"  
  
"Yeah, but not to do with this case. Have you seen Luka at all today?" Abby enquired, biting her thumbnail.  
  
"Nuh-huh. I think he and Greene swapped shifts. Why, is there trouble in paradise?"  
  
"Get on with your job, Malucci," Abby scolded, then took her leave and disappeared around the corner. Dave looked after here for a while, then shrugged and turned back to treat Leah.  
  
  
If he had turned his head the other way, he'd have seen a familiar face which would have shocked him to his core.  
  
It hadn't been easy for her to track him down. After he'd qualified as a doctor, he'd left Grenada, and she'd never heard from him again.  
  
She knew why he'd left so quickly. Dave was afraid that she knew too much about him, about his life. And when he'd finally opened up, he'd fled.  
  
All she wanted to do was help.  
  
But she was afraid that he'd hold on.  
  
  
Elizabeth stepped out of the lift, tiny baby Ella in her arms. It was one of the first times she'd been back to the ER before the birth of her daughter, and it took time to get readjusted to the atmosphere.  
  
She took a look around the waiting room. Haleh was at the main desk, trying in vain to calm down a man who had somehow put a fish hook through one of his fingers.   
  
No sign of her husband, though. And she was worried about him.  
  
Ever since Ella had made her way into the world, he'd seemed to be spending more time at work, instead of less. She knew it must be hard for him, watching his daughter whom he never thought he'd see come into the world. But it didn't deny the fact that she needed help bringing Ella up.  
  
And if he forgot his glasses, she had to bring them in. Part and parcel of the job commonly known as 'being a wife'.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dave Malucci making his way out of a cubicle, rubbing his eyes tiredly.  
  
"Dave!" she called, quickening her pace to keep up with the young doctor. When he heard his name called, he stopped and turned to face his colleague.  
  
"It's Elizabeth and the squirt! Can I hold her?"  
  
"No, not today," Elizabeth said distractedly, failing to pick up the crestfallen look on Dave's face. "Have you seen Mark recently?"  
  
"Yeah, he's around somewhere. Want me to give him a message?" dave told her, but his attention was abruptly diverted from Elizabeth when he realised who was standing in the corridor behind her.  
  
"Actually, could you make sure he gets his glasses? He left them behind this morning." She freed one hand to hold the glasses out to Dave but he ignored them, his gaze still riveted behind her. "Dave? Glasses!"  
  
With difficulty, he roused himself from his sudden trance. "Mark. Glasses. Yes." He took the glasses and slipped them into the pocket of his trousers.  
  
"Make sure he gets them!" Elizabeth told him, before hurrying away. Ella was starting to get crotchety, and much as though she'd like to see everyone else back at work, it was best for the both of them to be at home when the onslaught of tears began.  
  
  
Dave barely noticed or registered Elizabeth's departure.  
  
How had Julia found him? He'd come to Chicago after Grenada, where he knew nobody and nobody knew him. He'd thrown away her telephone number, even though today he could still recite it off by heart.  
  
Basically. he'd cut off all ties to both his lives before and after college, and that included everyone who knew about it. No-one who knew him before his qualification as a doctor would recognise him immediately. The quiet, almost shy child had transformed himself into someone who didn't dwell on the past.   
  
He wouldn't let himself.  
  
"Have you any idea how long it's taken me to track you down?" Julia asked only half-jokingly as both walked slowly towards each other.  
  
At first Dave couldn't speak, but haltingly he found his voice. "That was kinda the gist of the plan."  
  
She rolled her eyes, a gesture that didn't go with her almost Polynesian looks. "I should have guessed."  
  
There was an awkward pause between them, where they both started to realise how much the other had changed, before Dave eventually said,  
  
"Do you want to go and get something to drink?"  
  
"That would be good," she said. "Are you sure you can afford to take a break?"  
  
Dave shrugged. "I make my own rules these days."  
  
  
They settled into a booth at Doc's, each armed with a cup of steaming coffee. Yet neither Dave nor Julia knew quite what to say next.  
  
_Why is she here, and now?_ Dave thought widly, his thoughts racing all over the place while his expression remained neutral. _Just when I'm finally getting used to pretending that nothing's wrong. It took me a long time, but it's happening...  
  
_And does she still have to look so gorgeous?_  
  
_He's changed, that much is obvious. Still handsome... but that's irrevelant. I can't stay long... just came to make sure that he's okay, talking to someone..._  
  
"Dave..." Despite her best intentions, Julia's voice was pleading.  
  
"Don't say it, Jules," he muttered, slipping back to using his old affectionate nickname for her. "I know I should have let you know where I was. But can you blame me for going?"  
  
"You can't run away from your problems forever," Julia reminded him. "And I don't want to be the only one you ever opened up to."  
  
He'd known somewhere deep insie him that she wouldn't stay. He was supposed to be glad, right? After all, why would glamorous Julia Carter want to hang around in the waiting room of Chicago County just for him? A second year resident with more problems than most of his patients?  
  
Except his were no longer physical. Just emotional.  
  
"If you're not even staying, then why did you show up in the first place?" Dave demanded, the spite in his voice surprising them both. "There is such a thing as a telephone call, you know." His sudden anger was shortlived, and he stared at the mottled table, taking deep breaths. It wasn't her fault...  
  
"Maybe it would have been easier. For the both of us," Julia admitted. "But we both know it isn't exactly a prime subject for a phone call. It's been two years, and I just want to know that you're okay."  
  
"I'm fine," Dave answered. Noticing the dubious look on his ex-girlfriend's face, he held up his hands to defend himself. "What?"  
  
"You may look passable on the outside," Julia said, allowing herself a small smile, "but have you gotten any help?"  
  
The pause from the opposite side of the table told her all she needed to know. "It would be so much easier if-"  
  
"If what? If I tell some complete stranger what it took me two years to tell you?" Dave asked. "And no-one else knows. Not even anyone at work. No-one."  
  
Julia sighed. "Dave, a fully trained counsellor would be able to help you so much more than I could. I only took one year of pyschology, remember?"  
  
"But they wouldn't care!" Dave hissed, fearful that some of the regulars he knew in here would overheard their conversation. "At the end of the day, all they'd care about would be the money I'd give them to line their wallets with. I need someone more than that!"  
  
And there it was, Julia's first full glimpse of the old Dave since they'd met again. The barely-veiled desperation, the all-too-evident pain that he couldn't completely hide.  
  
She thought she'd done a good job in starting to heal him. But in returning, she might have made the worst mistake of all.  
  
"Is there no girlfriend on the scene?" she asked softly.  
  
He shook his head. "None since you," he admitted. "Well... no-one seious, anyway," he retracted.  
  
"Dave, I want to help you, but I have to be back in LA tomorrow. It's non-negotiable, today is all we've got."  
  
"I don't need your help," he mumbled, even though it was evident someone, somewhere needed to help Dave Malucci. "You might as well go now. I have to be back now anyway."  
  
"I'm not leaving till you promise me you'll speak to someone," Julia said steadfastly, ignoring his tortured look.  
  
"Why did you come if all you're going to do is hurt me?" dave cried anguishedly.  
  
"Promise me. I'll come back soon, but only if you promise me," she added hoping it would sway his decision.  
  
"I promise."  
  
  
It took all the energy Dave had to get back to the hospital, despite the short distance. He left Dr Greene's glasses with Haleh, and returned to the staffroom. He was in a decidedly less jovial mood than when he had exited it barely half an hour ago.  
  
It was only once he'd made completely sure that he was alone in there that Dave allowed the memories to come flooding back.  
  
And with the memories, came the tears.  
  
  
Ever since his mother had died, the house had been quiet with just dave and his father in it. Before the accident, his dad had been like any other dad. Happy to play games or read books to his son. Anything to make him happy.  
  
But aching, unavoidable grief had made the house silent.  
  
Dave was only seven years old. And staying quiet was a impossibility for a happy boy such as Dave.  
  
When he made noise, his father grew more and more angry. Until one night, when Dave had an exciting story to tell about his day in school.  
  
After the screaming had subsided, Dave resolved to keep quiet. He didn't want to make Daddy mad again.  
  
Except now the quietness made Fred Malucci mad. And when Dave brought friends home. Or when he got anything less than an A in school.  
  
Pretty soon Dave became an expert in lying. He used every excuse in the book for eleven years to explain away his injuries, most minor, some major. When those around him believed his lies, he took it as a sign that they didn't care.  
  
How could they believe the same excuses over and over again?  
  
The opportunity of college came, and Dave was gone.  
  
His last beating was the day before he left. He barely tried to defend himself, knowing inwardly it would be his last.  
  
Once at college, then at Grenada, Dave began to come out of his self-built shell. He was still shy, still wary of new people, trying to mask his pain behind his eyes. It was only when the alluring Julia Carter happened to be there when he was hopelessly drunk that anyone knew the truth.  
  
Ever.  
  
And then after his training was done, he had run away. Some of the pain had gone after he'd told Julia, and in the six months that he'd dated she'd done his best to help him.   
  
Built the foundations that kept Chicago Dave standing strong.  
  
By the end of Dave's reminiscence, he was sobbing so hard he felt like the scared little boy he'd been of seven when he had first been beaten.  
  
So lost in his thoughts he didn't hear the door to the staffroom swing open, and someone say in shock,  
  
"Dave?"  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Explanations

  
  
Summary: Part 2 of the Ghosts of the Heart series.  
  
Rating/Disclaimer: See first chapter.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, I wasn't expecting such a huge response! Hope this second chapter doesn't disappoint you.  
  
Special dedication: To Sam Edwards, who died 25/09/01   
  
  
Jing-Mei just couldn't take in what she was seeing.  
  
She knew everyone had to let themselves go sometimes, vent whatever personal conflicts they were experiencing out of their systems. But she never really expected Dave Malucci, king of comic indifference, to be sobbing his heart out in the staff room.  
  
Although he hadn't said anything, Jing-Mei knew that Dave had heard her enter the room and call his name. In the relative darkness of the room she could hear him trying to regulate his breathing. After a few uneasy moments she perched on the edge of the sofa where Dave was currently sprawled.  
  
"What's the matter?" she asked gently.  
  
Dave paused after hearing her question. He had never really thought that anything was wrong with him. You learned to roll with the punches that life threw at you, and moved on. But it seemed that Julia had been right once again, he really did need to open up to someone who would be around, who would listen to him. And Jing-Mei had asked, after all...  
  
"Return of an old friend," was all he could muster, however. Dave had become so used to covering for his father, he barely even noticed he was doing it anymore.  
  
"An old girlfriend?" Jing-Mei asked delicately. This was the first glimpse she'd had of the real person, the human side of Dave Malucci, and although it was due to some sort of pain, she wanted to know what it was.  
  
She wanted to help him.  
  
"The only one I've ever really cared about, if you want to look at it that way," he told her, swinging his legs around so that he was sitting up. "She... do you mind if I tell you this?"  
  
Jing-Mei shook her head and slid across so she was sitting next to the young doctor. "It's obvious you need to talk to someone."  
  
Dave snorted. "That's exactly what she said."  
  
"How long were you a couple for?"  
  
"Back then, I was with her for three years, but for the first two it was nothing serious. She wouldn't let it become serious until i told her about... my past."  
  
Jing-Mei could certainly understand the girl's reluctance. In the year that she had known Dave, the most personal thing that she had learned about him was that he went to medical school in Grenada.  
  
But had she, or anyone, ever taken the time to look beyond the humourous facade?  
  
Dave sighed. "Then one night, I'd had too much to drink and ended up spilling everything out to her in one load. She helped me through the last year of med school and then I... I guess I couldn't handle it anymore. I left Grenada, didn't tell her where I was going, and threw away her telephone number."  
  
"What got you so scared?" Jing-Mei asked. She had the feeling that Dave would clam up again unless she kept him talking, even though it bordered on intrusiveness.  
  
He took yet another deep breath. In no way would this ever be easy. Finally, from some reserve of strength Dave didn't know he possessed, he gained the strength to look her in the eye.  
  
Concerned eyes met troubled ones.  
  
"This doesn't go out of this room?" he asked. Jing-Mei nodded, bracing herself for whatever Dave was about to tell her.  
  
"My life was... everything was normal. Until my mom died. When look back on it though, it seemes as though before she died, she was the thing that kept my dad from falling over the edge."  
  
"How do you mean?"   
  
Dave struggled to put the vision of what he had only recently started to decipher into words. "There were little flashes... where my dad used to completely withdraw into himself, and my mom was the only one who would pull him out of it and make him my dad again."  
  
"So he didn't cope well when your mom died," Jing-Mei concluded.  
  
"I was seven years old..." Dave halted, looking for the right words yet again, to express what he needed to say. "Everything changed, literally overnight. He changed from Suburban dad, all-pitching, all joking father figure, to Psycho father. The kind who's never satisfied with anything. if I did something badly, I was a useless layabout. If I did something right, he never praised me, always put me down. And believe me, he showed his disappointment in me. Regularly."  
  
"He hit you." A statement, not a question. Jing-Mei was reeling from the shock of discovering that someone who had seemed to be perfectly normal had been hiding a past filled with abuse and dissatisfaction.  
  
Dave nodded, lost in his thoughts. "Yeah.. yeah, he did. Last time was before I left for college. I haven't seen him since."  
  
"So, seeing Julia must have brought everything back."  
  
Dave half-laughed, an action which at that moment felt alien to him. "You can say that again... I think somewhere in me I wanted her to stay again. To try to make things right... but then I remembered I was the fool in letting her go in the first place."  
  
Both fell silent for a reflective pause. Dave couldn't believe he'd just spilled his greatest secret to someone he barely knew. Sure, he'd worked with her for a year or so, but their friendship was casual at best.  
  
The way all his relationships with anyone were these days. Whether he wanted them to be or not.  
  
Jing-Mei was having trouble working out that no-one had noticed there was something wrong with Dave before she stumbled upon the fact herself. Come to think about it, no-one really seemed to look beyond outward experiences with Dave. He was, after all, the doctor who provided comic relief...  
  
"Dave... have you ever thought about professional help?"  
  
Something undefinable in the young doctor's expression changed. "Julia told me I should, but I don't think I could do it. I've coped with it for this long, I can do it again."  
  
"Okay, so that's out," Jing-Mei said. There was no point in forcing him to do something he didn't want to. That would only make things worse.  
  
Dave scrubbed his eyes with his fist and again attempted a half-smile. "I'd better get back. You know, patients to see."  
  
He got up and reached the door before she found a voice to call him back. "Dave?"  
  
He turned back to face her. "Yeah?"  
  
"I won't tell anyone. And if you ever need anyone to talk, anytime, call me."  
  
Despite the somewhat distant, fractured past between them, Dave felt a metaphorical bond between them, and a weight lift off his shoulders. "Thanks. I'll remember that."  
  
  
  
The rest of the day in the ER passed in a haze for both Jing-Mei and Dave. Dave was trying his best to focus on his patients, but every so often found himself slipping back into memories of the past, and wondering what on earth had possessed him to confide in someone else.  
  
After all, he and Jing-Mei had never really seen eye to eye on anything. He genuinely found her attractive, but had the feeling she didn't appreciate the techniques he used to employ her attentions.  
  
Jing-Mei also went about her work in a daze. It didn't go unnoticed by the other members of staff how oddly both Jing-Mei and Dave were acting.  
  
"I wonder what's up with Chen and Malucci," Abby remarked idly as she and Haleh checked the store cupboards during an unusually quiet period.  
  
"When Malucci came back from his break, he looked upset," Haleh divulged. "And he'd left here with a gorgeous woman as well."  
  
"That sounds more like the Dr Dave I know," Abby laughed.  
  
"Maybe, but it doesn't explain for Jing-Mei's odd mood," Haleh reminded her. "And you too have been quiet all day. Care to explain?"  
  
Abby sighed, and locked the cupboard door. "It's nothing, Haleh. Really."  
  
"Nothing to do with a certain Dr Kovac swapping shifts with Mark?"  
  
"No, 'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable ex-" Abby began, but Dr Benton poked his head round the door. "We need the both of you in Trauma One yesterday!"  
  
Working in the ER meant you had to get used to having your impromptu gossiping sessions cut short.  
  
  
  
Jing-Mei walked out of the hospital at seven o'clock, at the ned of her shift. it was a lovely time of day in the August summer, and she put all her preoccupations aside to bask in the sunshine on the way to the subway station.  
  
That is, until she saw a weary looking Dave unchaining his mountain bike from a pole.  
  
He looked up when she approached him, uncomfortably aware that someone was there. His expression cleared somewhat when he realised who it was, but only slightly.  
  
He still didn't trust her completely.  
  
"Working tomorrow?" He asked, as if nothing untoward had happened that day. Avoid serious conversation at all costs.  
  
"Not at the moment, but you never know how things go," she replied. "How about you?"  
  
"No. Think I'll see if I can play hockey tomorrow. Something to take my mind off things," he admitted. "I never thought I was good at sports, but maybe I just need an outlet."  
  
"I might have to come and watch you play sometime," Jing-Mei suggested with a twinkle in her eye. "So if someone gets injured there'll be a real doctor on hand."  
  
"It could be the start of a beautiful relationship," Dave agreed. Then, more seriously, tentatively, he added, "In more ways than one."  
  
"Where is it that you play?" Jing-Mei asked innocently. "I'll make sure to have the paramedics on call."  
  
"Sarasota Park. 2pm, if I'm going to be there at all. I prefer ice hockey, but we'll see how it goes."  
  
"Well I'll come to your match, or practise, or whatever it is, and yopu can shout me a coffee afterwards," she suggested.  
  
"Got yourself a deal," Dave decided. "And thanks... for everything," he said, almost too quickly and quietly for Jing-Mei to hear, before he turned and pedalled off into the sunset.  
  
  
  
As luck would have it, neither were called into work that day. Jing-Mei decided not to bring the paramedics in as promised, but instead sat on the grass to watch Dave and his team fight for supremacy over some other, random, team.  
  
Hockey wasn't really her sport, but she knew that it would mean a lot to Dave to have her here. To prove that someone cared.  
  
She didn't want him to be alone after Julia's visit the other day.  
  
_Careful. You might find yourself falling for a man with too many emotional probelms. You did that before, and look where it got you._  
  
"What were you thinking about?" Dave questioned as he jogged up to her and promptly sprawled on the ground. "You looked as though someone was trying to forcefeed you snails."  
  
"Not exactly," Jing-Mei deflected. She didn't want to practise what she preached, didn't want to open up to someone about the last couple of years. "More memory-oriented."  
  
"You should take up hockey," Dave suggested. "Great way to take your mind off things."  
  
"I think I'll stick to the study," she said. "Are we going for coffee?"  
  
Dave thought for a moment. "I don't think I'm in the mood for coffee."  
  
"Cheapskate."  
  
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. How's about a stroll in the park? We could go to the pond and pretend to feed the ducks." he said, scrambling up to his feet while Jing-Mei got up more sedately.  
  
"Why the pretending? can't we actually feed tem?" she asked as they set off to the pond.  
  
"I don't have any scraps of food with me, and I don't particularly want to feed them my hockey stick," Dave told her as he swung the stick by his side. "And unless you are in the habit of keeping stale bread in your pockets, we'll have to go with pretending for today."  
  
"Sounds like a plan," she told him. They walked to the pond in silence, and stood by the water's edge for a while watching the ducks swim and paddle in the blue water.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to be a duck?" Dave asked quietly. "All you would do is swim, and eat food that people throw at you. Not a care in the world."  
  
"There are good things, good people in this world too, Dave," Jing-Mei reminded him. "Maybe we have to look harder than we'd like to find them, but they're there."  
  
Dave didn't reply, and Jing-Mei let the subject drop. There was no point in pushing it.  
  
"I might go home," he said after another protracted silence. "Thanks for coming to watch me play, but I'm not really up to company today." _Plus, I'm finding it hard to have a conversation with you. We've never been friends, not really._  
  
"See you at County tomorrow," she called after his retreating figure, watching him walk slowly over the grass, his hockey stick leaving trails behind him in the long grass.  
  
_Am I really sad to see him go?_  
  
  
  



	3. Feelings

Summary/Disclaimer/Rating: Same as before.   
  
Author's Notes: Thank you to all reviewers.   
  
  
Chapter 3.   
  
  
Just another day at County.   
  
Just another day.   
  
Except Dave hadn't turned up for work, and Jing-Mei was more than a little worried.   
  
"Has Malucci rung in yet?" she asked Frank, who was pretending to do some work while Weaver was around.   
  
"Hmm? Malucci? No," he replied distractedly. "I've tried ringing his house on Dr Weaver's request, but nothing."   
  
Chen raised her eyebrows. If Kerry was worried about Malucci as well, then maybe she wasn't worrying unnecessarily. "Thanks," she said, and grabbed a chart for yet another patient.   
  
She turned from the admittance desk, and ran straight into John Carter.   
  
"Hey hey, what's the rush?" he asked with his permanent smile.   
  
She sighed. "Don't ask. And where have you been for the past two days? So much has been happening-" she didn't finish the sentence, realising that no-one apart from her knew about the traumatic events of the past two days. "Nothing. Never mind."   
  
"You sure?" Carter asked, not liking the look in his friend's eyes.   
  
"Yes. I'd better see this patient..." With that, Jing-Mei swept past Carter and into the curtained-off cubicle, leaving him staring after her.   
  
Why did everything at the hospital seem to turn into a love triangle?   
  
~~~~~~   
  
The phone had rung.   
  
It had rung more than a hundred times that day, almost annoying enough to finally persuade Dave that an answering machine would be a good investment.   
  
Before, it had been missing to avoid various girlfriends running into the knowledge of each other's existence. Now, it was to shut out the tatters of his life.   
  
However, it had provided great entertainment for the sleepy Dave, guessing who was behind each phone call.   
  
The calls every fifteen minutes, those must be Kerry. He'd been on the receiving end of her militant-style phone calls once too often, and even though he knew he was in the wrong, he never liked to admit it.   
  
The calls at haphazard times of the day, ranging from 7.11am to 2.57pm could only be the ever-reliable telesales employees who never ceased to leave him alone. No matter how many times Dave told them he didn't want a combined spaghetti maker/CD player, they always rang him when he had a day off.   
  
Or when he was hiding. Which just so happened to be the case today.   
  
"I'm not clinically depressed..." he mumbled to himself as the phone rang yet again. He knew the signs too well, despite everyone's assumptions to the contrary he had a genuine interest in medicine. Maybe because he'd always been too weak to protect himself.   
  
Although he had more excuse than anyone to suffer from depression, dave wasn't succumbing. He was just having a Very Bad Day.   
  
He hadn't meant to miss work that day, but the alarm clock hadn't woken him from his deep slumber. And by the time he had awoken, it wasn't worth the hassle to go into work.   
  
Wasn't worth the potential pain...   
  
The phone finally stopped ringing after at least thirty rings. Dave looked at the handset and grinned ruefully.   
  
"Jing-Mei," was all he said.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Jing-Mei hung up the phone in the corridor, deeply troubled and doing her best not to show it. Despite her best efforts to hide it, they were not enough to fool Dr Weaver, who just happened to be passing.   
  
"Jing-Mei, what's wrong?" she asked, if not sympathetically then at least with added sprinkles of concern.   
  
_There's no point in hiding it,_ she reflected. _I won't tell her what he told me, but if she's heard from him yet today..._ "Have you heard from Dave- I mean, Doctor Malucci today at all?"   
  
Kerry's expression changed subtly. "I've been ringing his apartment as often as I can, but no response. Have you got any idea where he could be?"   
  
Jing-Mei shook her head. "I was kind of hoping you would," she admitted. "I'm... I'm kind of worried."   
  
"Dave's a big boy, he can take care of himself," Kerry reassured her. "I'm sure he'll have enough fight in him to question whatever punishment I decide to give him when he decides to show his face again."   
  
Jing-Mei was about to defend Dave when she thought better of it. There was no point in starting rumours, even when she was sure that something was wrong with the young doctor. She had been sworn to secrecy, and that was something she didn't break lightly. "If that's what you think," was all she said, and then walked away, ready to treat yet another patient.   
  
Kerry watched the young doctor walk away, and knew that something was bubbling underneath the surface. Whether it would ever come to anything, she didn't know.   
  
~~~~~~~~~   
  
The day passed in much the same way as any other day at the hospital did, lines and lines of patients, some seriously injured, some.. not so seriously. For Jing-Mei, the end of the day could not come quickly enough. Back in the staffroom after the end of her shift, she quickly grabbed her belongings from her locker, and slammed the metal door quickly, planning to find where Dave lived.   
  
Just to make sure that he was okay. Nothing more... nothing less.   
  
"Deb, what's the rush?"   
  
John Carter was the only person who was still allowed to call her Deb. So there was no venom or sarcasm in her tone as she turned to face him and said hastily,   
  
"There's somewhere... somewhere I have to be."   
  
"This wouldn't have anything to do with your sudden distraction all through today, would it?" he asked, worried for his friend. "There's nothing wrong with you?"   
  
She forced a smile, not sure where the desperation to check on Dave was coming from, but knowing that it must be acted upon. "No John, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just in a hurry to get home, that's all."   
  
"No stopping for coffee at Doc's?" he asked hopefully. But then Abby walked into the room, looking a little the worse for wear, and he shrugged. "Tomorrow, maybe?"   
  
"Yeah, maybe. See you tomorrow, Abby," Jing-Mei said, and hastily made her exit. She didn't want to be in the middle of the crossfire between those two.   
  
Only someone who was completely blind could have avoided the tensions between the hospital's love triangle.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"Now, why don't they put Wheel of Fortune on straight after Jeopardy?" Dave wondered, as he continued his quest to put a permanent Dave-shaped dent into his sofa. "That would be a quiz hour with a difference."   
  
His single-handed mission to overhaul the television schedules of the nation was rudely interrupted by a knock on the door.   
  
"Please god, don't let it be Mrs O'Riley," he muttered under his breath. His overbearing next door neighbour complained if any of the building's residents returned after 8pm, so she wasn't exactly best friends with Dave, a doctor with just slightly irregular hours.   
  
He shuffled to the peephole in his door. Unfortunately, his movements had caused creaks in the floorboards, something that gave away his presence to Jing-Mei, who was standing on the other side of the door, waiting patiently.   
  
Reluctantly, he opened the door. "Hello."   
  
"Where were you today?" she demanded.   
  
"I overslept," he mumbled, running a hand through his sticking-up hair.   
  
"How convenient," she retorted. "Are you sure you're okay?"   
  
"Ye-es..." he said patiently. "Is that what you wished to ascertain?"   
  
Blank looks from all around him.   
  
"Hey, I do know words that have more than two syllables."   
  
"I'm sure you do," Jing-Mei said exhaustedly. "Look, give me a straight answer. Did you not come in to work today because you overslept, or because you couldn't face it?"   
  
"A mixture of the two," he said candidly.   
  
"Why didn't you ring in?"   
  
"Just because I choose to let you in on various parts of my life does not mean that you are my keeper!" Dave replied, letting his anger at the world get the better of him. "Three days ago you would have been holding a party at the fact that I decided not to turn up for work, and now you're sending out a search party?"   
  
"Look, I wouldn't have thrown a party because you didn't show up," Jing-Mei said, trying not to show her own anger. "And despite what you may think, I did care about you before all this happened."   
  
"You did a damn good job of hiding it, if you don't mind me saying so," he muttered under his breath.   
  
"Only because every come on line you used was a complete cliche," she informed him.   
  
"Can you please leave? I was absolutely fine before you showed up and decided to start undermining my self-confidence again."   
  
"I am not undermining your self-confidence!!" she almost yelled.   
  
There was a strange silence in the tiny apartment. Neither of them knew what to say, who should speak first.   
  
"I'll go," Jing-Mei almost whispered.   
  
"Don't," Dave said, in the same soft tone. Things were eventually going to come to this, he realised. They might as well battle it out in a civil manner than avoid their issues.   
  
There had been too many cases of avoidance in his life.   
  
"What is there left to say?" she said quietly.   
  
"We can't just leave things as they are," Dave said. "I don't know about you, but I have no idea where I stand. And this is confusing the hell out of me."   
  
"What is?" she asked curiously.   
  
"The fact that someone in my daily life knows everything I've ever been afraid to tell," he confided. "Julia knew as well, but... this is different." he didn't want to tell her exactly how it was different... at least not without some encouragement from her.   
  
"It's not really been a picnic for me, either," she said. "I'm not trying to take anything away from what you went through, but I just can't help wondering how I never saw the signs in the first place."   
  
Dave smirked. "I'm a good actor. Kept it from my family for near twenty years, I can keep it from people I work with."   
  
"How could they not have noticed?"   
  
"He hit me where it didn't show. Always acted normally.. and Mom's relatives eventually stopped coming over, I expect they'd have been the ones to notice something wasn't right."   
  
_We're going in circles... eventually something's going to have to break. But who'll crack first?_ he thought. _Might as well be me... I've been the one baring my soul so far, might as well continue the trend._   
  
"I can't believe there are people, anyone I know could have gone through this as well," Jing-Mei whispered, more to herself than to Dave.   
  
"Yeah, but that's life," he pointed out gently. "We all have those things in life that we want kept secret. It's basically a human right."   
  
Jing-Mei kept silent, understanding his almost subliminal message.   
  
'Don't pry too much into my life, and I won't ask any questions about yours.'   
  
"Get the feeling we're going round in circles?" she suddenly said.   
  
Dave favoured her with a smile. "Just thinking that myself... that, and there's a basketball game on in.. five minutes ago," he said, hastily checking his watch. "Do you mind if I switch it on?"   
  
"Hell, no!" Jing-Mei said, settling herself more comfortably on the sofa so she could see the television screen without cricking her neck too badly. "Who's playing?"   
  
"Make yourself at home, why don't you?" he smirked. "It's Bulls-Jazz."   
  
"Bring back Michael Jordan..."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Two hours later, after copious amounts of beer had been consumed by all, Jing-Mei finally decided it was time to go home.   
  
"I'm still telling you, Karl Malone would beat Michael Johnson in a head to head any day," she protested, but her argument would have been a lot more convincing had she not fallen over once reaching the door... and straight into Dave's arms.   
  
"This is nice..." she said dreamily.   
  
_Shut up, Jing-Mei, it's the drink speaking! But... he does have kinda strong arms..._   
  
"Yeah..." Dave said, suddenly finding his mouth several shades drier than normal. He was just beginning to realise that he hadn't wanted anyone as badly since Julia, when there was no thinking. Just...   
  
...kissing.   
  
  
A/N= I'm not sure whether to leave it as this... if anyone has any overwhelming desire either way please let me know.


End file.
